I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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