Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
