At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and she was petting her beer can
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
