tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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