My first STD was from a foam party
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
