i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
