So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
