You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
