After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You need a sexual gate keeper
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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