Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
