Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
