you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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