all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
