watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
