I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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