Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
