Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
