I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
