It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
