also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
