ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
