David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
