is your mom at the bar?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
