what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
