some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
