remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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