Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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