thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
