chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
