I cockslap morals
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
