This girl is more easily done than said...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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