My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
