he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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