Small penises have feelings too.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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