I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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