I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
