i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
