Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
