Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
