Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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