My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
