Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
