can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
