Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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