Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
