I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
