And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
