last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
