no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize