also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
