The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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