dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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