I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize