dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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