Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize