someone threw a dead crab at me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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