remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
