i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
