mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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