That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
