my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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