Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Congratulations! We have a period
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