hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
