ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
