Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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