Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
