Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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