You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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