drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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