do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We are two peas in an std pod
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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