Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
