we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
