Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
