just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
