Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
