Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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