I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
