Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
