she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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