Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
