So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
