She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
