Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
