i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
