I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
