she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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