You can't motorboat a personality
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
