I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
