if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
