I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
