i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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